Teaching Our Kids to Give (When It Doesn’t Stick Yet)
One of the quiet surprises of motherhood for me has been realizing how many things I don’t actually know how to teach.
This Christmas, the lesson I feel most unsure about is how to teach my kids to give—not just how to hand someone a present, but how to want to give one. How to feel joy in blessing someone else. How to look outward instead of inward when everything around them is telling them this season is about what they’ll receive.
I’ve tried a few things this year. And last year too. We’ve talked about thinking of others. We’ve involved them in choosing gifts. We’ve had conversations about generosity, gratitude, and Jesus—about how He gave Himself for us. And yet, if I’m honest, it doesn’t feel like it’s sticking. At least not in the way I’d hoped.
And that can feel discouraging.
But the longer I parent, the more I’m learning that most meaningful formation is a long game. We don’t teach children to love what is good in a single conversation or even a single season. We return to the same lessons again and again, trusting that God is doing far more beneath the surface than we can see.
Still, this year I felt stuck. So I did what I often do when I don’t know what to do next—I asked for help.
I reached out to a few of my favorite mama friends, women whose wisdom I trust and whose parenting I admire, and asked them how they’ve helped cultivate generosity and gift-giving in their kids. Not perfectly. Not magically. But faithfully.
Here’s what they shared:
What Other Moms Have Taught Me About Teaching Generosity
Phylicia Masonheimer (my internet bestie)
When I asked Phy her insights over voxer, she turned the phone over to her kids and asked them why they love giving gifts (which they really do! Year-round she said!). They each shared that watching the person open the gift was meaningful to them, and they got excited when their friends or family member got excited! Phy said she didn’t wait for them to be excited about getting a sibling a gift; she just took them along, saying “let’s go get a gift for your sister/brother.” Over the years it’s really fostered their love of giving gifts.
Aliesha (my IRL friend) with five super creative and generous kids said that they’ve done a cousin gift exchange every Christmas since her oldest two were 5 and 3. They make or bake all the gifts and giving each child time to think of what they could make or gift to a cousin helped them anticipate the gift giving when they celebrated with family. Also, including her kids in the process of gift-giving (like making tags, wrapping gifts, etc) involved them in the family gift-giving too. Here’s what she text me:
“One tradition we’ve done since our kids were little is helping them make handmade gifts for their cousins. These have been simple, small items given with lots of love, and their involvement in the process (from deciding what to make, to creating/baking, to wrapping, and finally gifting) has helped them care so much more than if we just ordered something online! (No shade: I also place a lot of online orders!) We’ve also involved the kids in other gift-giving activities, such as making gift tags, stamping wrapping paper, baking cookies, and handing out gifts (to neighbors, friends, family, etc.). Another thing we’ve practiced over the years is good gift-receiving etiquette (which we’ve discussed before going to gatherings), which for us looks like giving verbal thanks to the gift-giver.”
What encouraged me most wasn’t just the practicality of their ideas (though those were helpful), but the shared understanding underneath all of them: generosity is caught over time more than it is taught all at once.
Kids learn to give by watching us give. They learn joy by seeing joy. They learn love by being loved. And often, they don’t show us the fruit right away.
As parents, we’re planting seeds we may not see bloom for years.
So if your kids are more focused on what’s under the tree for them than what they’re giving this year, you’re not failing. You’re parenting. You’re teaching in slow, ordinary, faithful ways—ways God delights to use.
This Christmas, I’m reminding myself that my job isn’t to produce instant generosity, but to model it, name it, practice it, and trust the Lord with the outcome. Faithfulness over flash. Formation over performance.
And maybe that’s a gift too—one God is giving to us as parents along the way.
